K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
