we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
