Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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