I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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