i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize