hotel room ftw
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
