I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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