You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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