just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
