Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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