I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
