Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need a burrito and a hug.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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