hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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