I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She bit a glass in half.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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