Your face is a jimmy john
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
