Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
