He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
