I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
