i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
