Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
