we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
