Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
