I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
