She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize