found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
