my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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