I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
