Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
