i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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