She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
