it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
