end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's get the cat blown out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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