Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
