its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
