you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
