My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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