i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
