if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
