he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
