i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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