I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
