Who did Billy Mays play for?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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