You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
