hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
