my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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