Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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