I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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