Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
