He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have fence marks all over my body
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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