if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
