I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
