you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
