fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize