so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
