then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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