Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
