I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
