dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize