this boner is exhausting
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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