I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
