y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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