so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
