Will you blow on my dice?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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