she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize