ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
