Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
