you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
