You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
