I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
