The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
