there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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