Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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