Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize