The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
