i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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