I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Randomize
