hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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