He kissed a someone with a penis
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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