Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
