At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
