guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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