no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
