First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
