Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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