How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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