Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize