My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
