you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
