think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
