Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
