Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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