I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
