So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize