I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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