Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize