i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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