My balls are so social today.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
